If you are sleeping with clothes on, there’s almost certainly something wrong with you and you definitely should not be trusted. You’re obviously a terrible decision-maker.
Even underwear feels like a straight-jacket for your genitals when you’re trying to doze off.
How could you sleep with clothes on? Do you shower with clothes on too? You’re doing it wrong. It doesn’t make any sense.
You can’t actually believe that wearing clothes to bed is comfortable.
You say, “Oh, but I’m always cold at bed time, my jammies keep me warm”.
Fuck you, that’s what blankets are for, you idiot.
You say, “Not my blankets, my blankets are uncomfortable”.
You’re sleeping in clothes because of a bedding issue? It’s even simpler than I thought.
What kind of household are you running? Where’d you get such shitty blankets, anyway? Are you a child currently living and therefor also sleeping in a 1950’s state-run orphanage? Are you a Native American tribesman that just got swindled out of your land by some pale-faces and all you got out of the deal was some smallpox-ridden, itchy, wool blankets? Are you an old person with polio and you sleep with the same uncomfortable blankets that you use to cover your withered polio legs during the day?
Chances are you aren’t any of those things. No excuse. Time to step your blanket game up.
Do yourself a favor, invest 40 minutes and $60 in a trip to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and get a good comforter. It’s called a “comforter” for a reason – those things are cozy as fuck. We spend roughly a third of our lives in bed, may as well make the most of your time.
Make sure you get something really classy and elegant.
Have nice sheets and a good bed, too. You’re worth it, even if you aren’t smart enough to figure this stuff out for yourself.
You’re welcome, people. Sleep tight.